This past Saturday marked six months into the pregnancy. Three more months and I get to meet my little peanut! I'm so excited! I'm also excited about the possibility of sleeping in a normal position, without a huge stomach in my way. This lack of good, restful sleep is making my days feel longer. No matter how tired I am throughout the day, I still don't sleep soundly through the night. I do understand that not too much will change after I have the baby ... 2 AM feedings are not conducive to Mommy getting sleep. I feel like I might get on a better schedule though. There really are so many things that change throughout your body during pregnancy... some of which I could definitely live without. Lactating, really?!?
Yesterday, James had to go to the doctor while babysitting a 14 month old, so I went with him to help watch the baby. It was really good practice, although it made me pretty nervous. With all of my back problems, I was in a lot of pain after helping for just a few hours. It made me worry about what kind of pain I would be in when my own little one arrives. I know that it will be different because it will be my own kid, but I'm still very nervous. What if I'm in excruciating pain one day and don't feel like I can deal with it? I can't just hand my kid over to someone else for the day ... that's why it's MY kid. And since I plan on breastfeeding, I know I won't be able to take pain medication (as I have not been taking during the pregnancy) so I won't have that relief. Sure, I've been able to find small things that help, including a prescription strength topical gel which helps sometimes. I'm just so nervous. I don't want to focus on my health issues, but I truly do have a lot of health problems that make me fear that I will be incapable of being a good mom. I guess it will just be a trial and error process.
I'm not watching the pseudo-kids today as their step-dad is home from work. I hope that this is purely coincidental and has nothing to do with the email that I sent to their mom last night. Brief recap: I've been observing Lisa (the 14 year old) over the past few weeks and was concerned about her eating habits. As someone who is in recovery from an eating disorder, I felt that I had reason to be concerned and that the several red flags I saw were just that - red flags. And as her child care provider, I knew it was my responsibility to inform her mom of my concerns. So I did just that via email last night, making sure to carefully word things so that I was not seeming accusing of the mom or that I was trying to diagnose Lisa. I just wanted to make her aware of the situation. Well, the response back was a polite way of saying, "Fuck off, I would know if something was wrong with my daughter." Thankfully I know how to keep my mouth shut, so I decided to drop the subject. It is no longer my responsibility; I've done what I knew to be right. Although, if I was not a decent enough person to drop it, my email would have gone something like this:
Dear woman-who-barely-knows-any-of-her-children,
You are wayyy off base, lady. Your email completely confirmed things that I was already thinking, such as the fact that I'm pretty sure you have disordered eating behaviors yourself and YOU TAUGHT THEM TO YOUR CHILD. You did nothing but make excuses for why Lisa eats the way that she does - when she eats - and you are simply enabling her to continue with these ridiculous habits. You need to break these habits now, before something terrible happens to your daughter. I went ten years with an eating disorder without anyone recognizing that I had a problem... ten years, and not a single teacher, coach, parent, grandparent, or doctor noticed. So don't think that you would "just know" if something was going on with her. Eating disorders are all about secrecy, so you probably wouldn't know. Don't be a dumb bitch. This isn't about you and your parenting skills or lack thereof. This is about your daughter and her health - both physical and mental. Even if this hasn't been going on long, she can still suffer repercussions from this. And if you don't open your eyes and get this in check NOW, she can suffer long-term health problems ... and even die. Quit thinking this is about you, and get your daughter the help that she needs.
Signed,
Been-there,done-that.
[Sigh] I actually feel a lot better after writing that. I know that sending something like this would be asinine and would not help the situation, especially for Lisa, which is why I won't do it. I just really hope that she gets help before she has to end up in the hospital for malnutrition.
You will sort of amaze yourself at what you are able to endure when your child is born. I worried that my pre-existing illnesses would be hard to handle when I was a mother.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened kind of shocked me. I found that this child came first ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT. If I was having a bad pain day, it just took second stage. Her needs came first. Plain, simple, easy.